Leaders Must Manage Themselves First!

Self-Management is one of the four quadrants in the Emotional and Social Competency Inventory for a very important reason: a leader who does master her own emotions and actions will ultimately derail. Leaders who do not “walk the talk” in terms of self-management will create workplaces devoid of trust and innovation.

The idea of Self-Management comprises the following ideas: “Achievement Motivation,” or how a leader responds to challenges; “Adaptability,” most important in a workplace changing at dizzying speeds; “Positive Outlook,” more complex than simply being cheerful; and finally, “Emotional Self-Control.” It is this final component we will examine in this blog. We will look at the others in later posts.

Everyone who has some experience in the workplace knows exactly what Emotional Self Control looks like and what it doesn’t. Joseph LeDoux, a neuroscientist explains what happens: someone experiences a stimulus (say a deadline isn’t met), and rather than traversing the thoughtful route in the human brain, it is sent to the “quick and dirty route.”  What does this mean? Our distant ancestors who were able to use this “quick and dirty route” were more likely to respond quickly to threats, thus surviving and passing these genes onto us, their unwitting children. This route bypasses the prefrontal cortex, or thoughtful part of the brain, and allows for responses 15 milliseconds after a stimulus has occurred. Thus, those ancestors able to activate this route were able to respond quickly to threats without having to think about them first. The thoughtful route, on the other hand, may take up to 500 milliseconds, making those who used it much more likely to end up as dinner for a saber-toothed tiger.

In short, we don’t run because we’re afraid; we’re afraid because we run. The assessment comes after the action.

Think about it.

What does this mean to leaders in the workplace?

If we are not mindful and thoughtful, we will react in a way that will reveal our worst survival instincts: becoming angry or insulting, yelling and screaming, or worse.

Is this an effective workplace strategy? Only if you want your entire team to quit. Research suggests that whether one is the target of this “uncivilized” behavior or a bystander, he still experiences considerable stress. If a team member is particularly empathetic, the consequences are even worse.

Emotional self-control is not easy. However, knowing our brains are changing every second, leaders can engage in mindful strategies to temper their responses and send them through the thoughtful route. Jack Kornfield, a clinical psychologist and meditation expert, suggests that responding in a mindful manner to challenges in the workplace creates “openness, honesty, and warmth [which can lead to] more vibrant and creative collaborations.” Jack understands we must wire new behaviors by constant repetition of the mindful responses and suggests we ask ourselves the following questions:

“What is motivating me to say/do this?”

“What might be the outcome if I do?”

And finally,

“What is my deepest intention? What do I most hope these words/actions might accomplish?”

While we must thank our ancestors for many of the genes that have helped us successfully survive and adapt, responding without thought, while helpful in the savanna, does not serve a leader well. Thoughtful and mindful planning is the key to effective responses to difficult situations and effective emotional self-control.

Suzette Plaisance Bryan, PhD, SPHR, GPHR, SHRM-SCP
Director OBCC Leadership Center